How I Mom

This is how I “mom.” My mom “mommed” like this a couple of times in my life and now that she’s gone those couple of moments are the ones I remember the most. Reading this reminds me to do this for myself more…sometimes, we forget – especially when we don’t have anyone reminding us. This is your reminder.

Do good. Be gentle. Be compassionate. Be kind. Do all those things for yourself and for others. Have a beautiful day.

XO.

~C.

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The whole world paused this morning. Do you know why? Because an 8 year old’s tank was empty.

The boys had already started their school day at their desks and I was preparing to leave for work when I noticed my littlest standing in the bathroom wiping his face.

I paused at the door and asked if he was okay. He looked up with tears silently dripping and shook his head. When I questioned if something happened, again he shook his head.

So I sat on the side of the tub and pulled him in my lap. I told him sometimes our heart tanks feel empty and need to be refilled.

He cried into my chest and I held tight.

I asked if he could feel my love filling him up?

A nod, and tears stopped…

I waited a minute…

“Has it reached your toes yet?”

He shook his head no…

“Okay man. We will take as long as you need. Work doesn’t matter right now. School isn’t important either. This right here, is the most important thing today, okay? Filling you back to the top. Is that good?”

nods

One more minute…

“Is your heart full of mamas love now?”

“Yeah…”

looks in his eyes

“I see it shining in there, you’re full to the top, and you’re smiling!”

You may not be 8 – you may be 28, 38, 48 or whatever- but ALL of us run on empty just like he did. His week was so busy and so full and his little soul was just dry!

We all have to pause, and take a moment to refill with the good things. prayer, sunshine, laughter, friends, hugs. Refill your empty, or you’ll find those emotions (tears, anger, snappy words) overflowing with no reason why.

Take a moment. Refill. It’s the most important part of your day! ❤

~Jennifer Lemcke

Balance Requires…

“To be implies not to be. You can only be on the in, in relation to something that is out. The positive cannot exist without the negative.” -Alan Watts, on Balance

My belief? Balance requires a foundation of love – love as a state of being, not as feeling.

If you do not have that? You have nothing because there is only, at the core of our existence, love and fear – if you do not have a foundation of universal love, then fear drives you. The fear of losing something; the fear of being seen as something you are not or, worse yet, as something you are that you do not want to be caught being; the fear of inadequacy; the fear of missing out; the fear of losing control; the fear of not being in control in the first place – thus having to manipulate your life in a way that leaves you constantly on the defense or preparing for the worst scenario.

Consider this. The worst case scenario has already happened. You are dying. You have been since the moment of your birth. You are mortal, and decaying, regardless of how healthy you may believe yourself to be. Your days are limited. All you have to do? BE. Simply, be.

Do good. Be gentle. Be compassionate. Be kind. Do all those things for yourself and for others. Have a beautiful day.

XO.

~C.

It’s the end of the world as we know it…

…and I feeeeel fiiiiine…..

Just kidding. But also, it kind of is…and I keep wondering when people are going to wake up and notice that people are waking up and noticing.

No, this is not one of those conspiracy theory driven statements about the virus or about the world. This is just…well, the truth.

Most of the people who will read this blog (based on my “subscriber base”) have spent perhaps years looking below the surface of what others tell them, just like I have. We reason things for ourselves and as a result live a higher quality of life – first and foremost, we see things as they are and there is no stress in acceptance once you have reached that level of existence.

Right now there is a truly great awakening taking place. In the midst of a huge chance for a true change of consciousness, most continue to focus on the virus, the vaccine, and political jokes rather than be a part of the a global pandemic of people who are taking their blinders off. Thankfully, not me and not most of you.

We live in an ever moving, ever growing and ever changing universe, which presents us with duality in everything. It presents us with choices – not so much the idea of free will but a similar idea. This is my belief (in this moment, of my life and in the energetic place we are currently, as a collective being). Once presented with those choices, then we simply choose.

Most people make incredibly unconscious choices not realizing they have one (a choice) or that they’re choosing anything at all. They spend their lives just floating along following “the rules.” But, the true reality is that almost ALL we spend our lives doing is choosing which way we want to go, and we keep on choosing until the end.

Even in the case that life does something that we feel we have no choice in, which it will because we can not be in control of EVERYTHING, most people are under the delusion that they have no control at all (I’ve said it recently, myself), but that’s not true. There IS one thing you can control – your reaction. Even though I struggle with depression, and that is absolutely out of my control at this point – I can chose how to react to bad days, I can choose to allow myself grace and to do nothing if nothing is all I can do. I have built a life and a mindset that allows that. That is still a choice. Most people…they forget that ultimately, no matter what they may not be able to choose for others, they ALWAYS have a choice for how they decide to handle a thing.

Most people live in a unconscious state where they THINK they are choosing, when in fact they are repeating the same old patterns and behaviors over and over and then remain unhappy because they don’t see different results, or are very content because they think they’re doing all the right things when the reality is that there is no “right” at all in the sense of what most people are taught and molded as children to believe we need to be and do to be happy in this world.

I believe our universe is our Source (God, whatever name you call that which is in control) and that this Source – this energy – connects to our consciousness, where new choices are presented to us. My observation is that most people eat dead food, ingest polluted water, follow news media like a cultish religion, crave entertainment from very fast paced experiences and things that afford them instant gratification, and so on. People have completely forgotten about their souls, rarely even try to actually use their minds, and are seemingly existing only in the form of physicality.

These people are so low in energy that they are incapable of sensing universal shifts, which is what we have been in the midst of since BEFORE the pandemic began. The pandemic simply caused a sudden consciousness of many realities and seemingly all of a sudden and all at once a huge group of people realized the truth about the “cog in the machine” role they were created by society and the powers that be, to be.

Shift, however, is a certainty. If you don’t believe in such things, consider this when you consider the fact of the worldwide, literally global impact of the virus. If you take off your governmentally/societally controlled rose colored classes you will realize that we are facing the end of one natural cycle, and looking forward to another, and that this was coming whether covid came with it or never existed at all. Covid only sped up the process and forced a change for most people that led to many realizations about what life could and should be.

The universe and the physical planet we call home also goes through cycles – darkness and light, daily, and seasons that change (however briefly) four times a year – and at the end of a cycle EVERYONE, regardless of their condition, must wake up. They must make the necessary changes and shifts in mindset to accommodate the physical existence they would like to experience during each cycle – whether it’s a day or a season. The same is true of (what I consider) energetic (spiritual) cycles.

Perhaps this is what’s going, as we enter a new cycle of light. The LIGHT is exposing the darkness more and more, and while we move on, most are caught up in this infuriated, fear driven belief that because of the virus, freedoms are being taken away. In some ways, perhaps; but, I believe what they don’t realize is that they have already have given their freedom away. They don’t realize that a country or a government is not where true freedom exists in the first place, and it never has been.

Step outside of the box, remove the glasses and unlearn the rules that you THINK you have to follow, and you will see. You will see that perhaps you have just been caught off guard and your spirit is trying to show you what you’ve always known. Most people ARE caught off guard by “current existence,” and now find themselves in a place of confusion with an underlying belief that there is no place to run. It’s not a literal “Book of Revelation” moment, but it is very much that in a much deeper way. Dr. Bruce Lipton talks about being in the 6th time of mass extinction, but those who carry the LIGHT will find the WAY out.

This is only my perception – this is what I have come to believe through my own reading, mediations and spiritual practices/connection. I did not become brainwashed by virus- or political-focused propaganda or “jump off the deep end,” as they (the less deep thinking, society driven rule followers) often say about people who express views like this. These have been my beliefs for decades (most of my life). It is really very simple – I haven’t changed, I clearly see it as my living reality now only more so than before; and, I realize that it has been “this” all along.

Someone shared a thought with me the other day and I will leave this blog with it: you are the message, not the messenger. BE your truth as you share it. If people do not understand or they judge it, and many will not understand and will jump to judgment, that’s okay – because neither did you at one point in your life.

Do good. Be gentle. Be compassionate. Be kind. Do all those things for yourself and for others. Have a beautiful day.

XO.

~C.

Don’t Grind.

Sunrise thoughts and a thing nature taught me a long time ago. Spirituality and self-discovery go hand in hand, and they work the same way: both are a never ending journey. Wax on, wax off. Learn, unlearn. Learn again. Change habits. Become, unbecome. Become again. Know better, do better. Love yourself, love others. Rinse, repeat.

And this idea so many people have of grinding? It’s insanity. Grinding is NOT what you need to be doing. The definition of grind is to wear away, to destroy. You are killing yourself to do what? Have more stuff that you don’t need? Make other people happy? Working to the point of taking care of yourself is one thing. “Grinding?” Totally different thing.

At some point, you have to decide that you’re going to enjoy what you have while you’re here to enjoy it rather than constantly want more or be dissatisfied in life. In fact? That is exactly why people are dissatisfied in and with their lives. That’s why people are not really and truly happy – “at the core” happy.

It is really because they are doing one (or both) of two things: holding on to what has long been over and carrying anger and bitterness with them in everything they do and doing the things they do for the wrong reasons, or trying to maintain a certain life that isn’t really living. A truly happy life is one that can maintain itself with just a normal amount of effort, because there is balance.

Grind yourself down with a constant focus on one thing – even something you love – and you will no longer be balanced. You will no longer be strong. You will no longer love that thing or that person. You will no longer be you. You will wear away every beautiful, unique thing about yourself and end up exhausted, aching, empty and bitter.

Sunrise.

Please don’t grind. Work hard, but don’t grind. Do more of what makes you happy. Do it from a mindful space and conscious heart. Awaken yourself to ALL that life has to offer. Pro tip: it’s not found in material things. It’s not found in excess. There is no such thing as security – any of us could lose everything in a single breath. No, it’s not something you can hold. It’s something you can feel, and it is found in the space between breaths. You can find it there no matter where you are or what you’re doing or who you’re with – try it, and you’ll see.

No matter what you’re doing, throughout the day today randomly become conscious of the fact that you are breathing. You can still be doing whatever you’re doing – just be aware. In that silent, focused pause between breaths, remember that one day that will be a permanent situation. One day, there will be no breath. One day you will CEASE TO BREATHE, and therefore cease to have that moment. This moment. Any moment. Every moment.

It might come sooner that any of us think, that permanent space between breaths. You never know… Appreciate everything. Even the pain is teaching you. It’s showing you what not to do. It’s showing you what your body needs you do, what your soul needs you to do, what your higher self needs you do.

Do good. Be gentle. Be compassionate. Be kind. Do all those things for yourself and for others. Have a beautiful day. 💜

Lesson From a Nope Rope

I believe this is a hybrid rattlesnake – the product of a timber rattler and a diamondback. I could be wrong.

So, this is raw. I never edited any of this. I have so much b-roll stuff from our hikes and stuff and I pick and choose bits here and there when I produce something. This is some of that footage that I came across when getting my stuff together for the project I’m working on.

I’m glad I came across this. I’d forgotten about it. It reminded of something about myself that I think a lot of people tend to misjudge. Don’t be led astray by my mostly nice, friendly, patient and overly kind demeanor. Don’t think I’m as ignorant as I might look. Don’t think I don’t know things just because I don’t say them out loud. I’m kind – not stupid. I am not afraid of much, not even poisonous snakes in the grass. Thing is, the worst snakes in the grass are people – it’s really the wrong phrase to use to describe a sneaky, lying, abusive human fool. Kind of an insult to snakes, if you ask me…

You see how calm this nope rope is? Maybe it just ate (doesn’t much look like it). Maybe it was a little cool (doubt it because I was sweating like crazy – this was a humid, warm July morning). Actual snakes don’t want to bother you. They really don’t. Maybe this dude just didn’t feel threatened by me. Animals rarely do. Only God knows why that is. But I can tell you this:

I wasn’t afraid of getting close to this guy, even if maybe I should’ve been, but I also was not stupid enough to try to handle it. No – I’m only that stupid when it comes to people. I never used to be the “once bitten, twice shy” type. I used to let them strike me and just forgive and pretend things were fine. I would give a person every reason to believe in me and make sure they knew that I still believed in them and cared about them. I would be willfully ignorant to the point that I was breaking my own heart.

But you know what people do? Even “family?” They don’t see that. They don’t see your heart. They don’t see your actions. They don’t see what you do for them because you love them. They just see what they want and take it from you and go on. Many times they don’t even need be provoked. They’ll strike out of the blue, with no warning at all – unlike this guy, who would have at least warned me. Thing with people is, you have to let them do it more than once. So don’t let them, because if they continually behave in ways that hurt you and refuse to respect you? They’re never going to change. Have no doubt – I have finally learned that lesson.

Today? Once bitten? I’m absolutely going to be twice shy. Still kind, with the same heart beating inside of me, but I’ll never trust you again. Once I’m done, I’m done. And if I ever reach that point with you, you have only yourself and your own behavior to blame. Just ask my father in law. His life wasn’t in vain. He taught all of us this lesson.

So here’s the thing…

Yesterday I texted a couple of people to tell them directly about my lupus diagnosis and I said, “I win! Yay!” One of them texted me back saying nothing but, “it’s not a game or a competition.” I said, “well I didn’t mean it that way – I sarcastically meant I win at life… Kinda like when I say ‘fuck doctors’ ftw (for the win).”

So here’s the thing…

I say off the cuff, smartass things like that because I feel exactly the opposite – that’s what sarcasm is to me. It’s me being “darkly positive.” It’s me feeling like I’m speaking power into my body and soul to deal with myself. They told me that was unhealthy. I thought, “so is being depressed and/or suicidal but because that can’t be seen it’s not real to you…” Which mindset is healthier? People are funny. Especially when they beat you down for things that are EXACTLY like their own mindset or behavior but it’s fine for them, just not for you. 😂

Anyway, the only other thing they said was that I needed to go raw because that was the only way to eliminate chemicals from my diet and I thought, “yeah, that doesn’t work for me, either.” Do you know how much it costs to eat a raw, actually chemical free diet? We do. We did it for about six months when they told me I had celiac disease. It cost us around $200 a week to buy just groceries and eat/cook from home, and I was the only one eating the “healthy” food while the boys continued to mostly eat their normal, less expensive food.

The point of me mentioning this is to remind you all that the government controls every aspect of our lives for profit. Break it down and you’ll see the proof. They know that they can’t make money off of our health conditions if they make easy solutions to them readily available because then we won’t need medicine. Case in point? Dandelions that grow in your yard and the pesticides to kill them versus the story they feed us about how much more beautiful our yards are to be “weed free.” And we fall for it. Because clearly one of the most beneficial plants for our bodies shouldn’t be allowed to grow in our own yards for free. The FDA doesn’t WANT you to be healthy. It wants you to depend on big pharma and the medical business in America (and around the world) so that people that aren’t meager pheasants can put money in their pockets and keep us pheasants dependent on things we can’t provide for ourselves. Why do you think there are so many laws and restrictions on things that would make living a fully self-sustainable life easy to achieve?

That’s not a conspiracy theory. It’s just common sense. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Otherwise, why would diabetes medication and chemo and even some of the meds they want to put me on cost so much that you have to work a second job (like my dad did for years) just to stay alive? That’s why so many people are flocking to alternative lifestyles…

The point is this: I talked about this because I wanted support from my friends to help me deal with the changes ahead, not to be told how to handle it. I’ve got it handled. It’s my body and my life and I’m the only one responsible for making it good. But it’s nice to know that people are there to listen and be a part of your community. That’s why people say, “if you need anything, let me know.” Right? That’s what friends are for. I try to offer support to my friends, no matter what I’m dealing with personally…and lord knows I’ve been dealing with health stuff for a long time. But if you’re someone who I love and care about, I’m ALWAYS there – until you tell me not to be. I’m grateful for the handful of people in my life who are understanding and receptive as well as giving of that…

“Wish You Would Just Die, Nobody Loves You.”

I have seen some truly disgusting things in the last few days – ESPECIALLY on YouTube but just in general in trying to research for my writing. Y’all. Seriously. Some of the stuff I’ve just read – not even to me, just to some random person on the internet – made me cry my eyes out.

How about have a little respect for the people who are out here being real instead of leaving them hate comments and telling them they should/you wish they would die. You know something? They might be a lot closer to doing that than you ever imagined. But then again, so might you be…

How about waking up and realizing that the two M’s (money and manipulation) mean nothing but survival (the rich ass people are out here miserable every single day) and they (money and manipulation) do not grow your soul or teach you lessons, but that authenticity, higher consciousness and love are the only way to fully LIVE, not just survive.

If someone is telling their story, however they’re telling it? Let them tell it – because you know what? It’s not always easy. If it was, everyone would and could and would do it.

I’m not going to sit over here and say, “just be you – it’s ok to be who you are,” because people like THAT? People like these people telling Jeffree and his friend Daniel and people telling James Charles to die, that they’re getting what they deserve, etc., it is NOT OK to be like that. Personally, even though I no longer support any of the aforementioned YouTubers as a brand or believe in them as genuine people, there’s a difference in internally deciding that these people and I don’t mesh when it comes to what we believe about how to live and treat people and I’m going to distance myself versus straight up telling them to FUCKING DIE.

That’s bad – but that’s not what got me on this topic. What got me on this topic was seeing how some of the anti-stans came at GENUINELY CONCERNED PEOPLE, probably a lot of younger people, who weren’t so much big supporters of these people but were simply wishing them well. I saw people relying to comments like, “I’ve been disappointed in your behavior recently and don’t care for the BC drama, but you don’t deserve some of these hateful words…wishing you the best, Jeffree,” with comments like, “you’re a fucking fat loser who knows nothing and you should die just like Jeffree should. I hope you do.”

What. THE FUCK. My heart is just…I can’t. I have sobbed for these random commenters. Truly – WHO SPEAKS TO ANYONE THAT WAY, especially a faceless stranger online? WHO?

Stop putting people down and treating people like commodities. Learn what respect really is. Learn what being mature really is. Go ahead and talk badly about all the people around you or in the world who you are trying to fake out or who you don’t like or who don’t live like you want them to (or like you wish you could).

We see you. We ALL know who you really are. You wear your ignorance and your anger like a sick badge of honor and you use your words as a weapon, not as a tool to learn and to heal yourself or anyone else. We all have a dark side but some of us also have light in us. And those of us that have light in us? We’ve believed in you. We’ve loved you and been patient with you. We’ve tried to show you – both in words and with our actions. But you think you’ve got allllll figured out and it’s your way or the highway. It’s not.

You gotta learn to give up control. To allow. You have to learn to surrender to divine timing and trust in the moment. You gotta learn to communicate instead of scream. That’s why you keep losing things. That’s why you keep stressing and fretting and having things “screw up.” Because guess what baby doll? You’re not in control of anything and the only person you’re ever going to truly destroy is yourself, unless you don’t grow up spiritually and emotionally. From the heart center and the Ajna. From the Anahata and the Vishuddhi.

Let people live their lives and be who they are and have their opinions and stop blocking your own blessings by hating them for it, or spending so much energy worrying about and speaking about why they’re wrong or you don’t like them. Hate has NO place in this world. It serves NO purpose other than to be destructive and in the end the one it will destroy is the hater, not the hated.

A part two to this will be posted soon – just as soon as I get my thoughts together. But for now? How about just BE KIND.

Lube Up.

I have had disappointments. Struggles. Moments that I’ve lost faith in what I used to believe. Oh yes, more than a few. Like most lives, mine is sprinkled with the moments that passed me by, the opportunities I only saw in the rear-view mirror, hopes lost in the fading light of what I thought would be my day. Yet, here I am. Here we all are, those of us still here.

It has not all been easy. It has never been black and white. It has never been that simple – perhaps that is why I dream of adding color to it all in my creative endeavors. But I am not defined by my disappointments, nor am I confined by them. I am shaped by them, changed by them, but never owned by them. It is in the learning that I am set free: free to try again, or free to do my life differently.

I’m an intelligent and logical person but I’m also an empath. I am what many from childhood and even up til now have considered wasteful. You know, the uselessness of having a head in the clouds or a heart perpetually full of feelings and passion that are all an unproductive, non-conducive waste of time. Those things are true, taken to extremes they can be detrimental…but so can the excess of anger and judgment and many other things.

It is through all of my own experiences – especially the difficulties and painful experiences – that I have learned how to authentically be me and to make my soul characteristics, both the darkness and the light of it, not just my way of living but also my way of EARNING a living – because to be a creator is MY PURPOSE. Others don’t have to understand or relate to that – they don’t even have to respect it…they’re consuming what I’m bringing to the table and not bringing a plate to the potluck.

We ALL have a soul purpose. The world needs ALL of us, with ALL of our different gifts. Don’t put people down or judge them because they don’t live the life you would choose for yourself. Thank them, instead, for what they bring into your life with their differences.

The world needs construction workers and emergency services workers and doctors and nurses and teachers and IT people and factory workers and farmers and truckers and on and on to help it to run smoothly. Of course it does. OF COURSE it does.

But do you know what it also needs that just about every one of those “essential” people consume like vitamins? The light of the artists – the realms of the writers, the musicians, the deep thinkers, the actors, the comedians, the magicians, the drawers of magical worlds and the painters of scapes in sound or in color, or both all at once – to escape to.

The world NEEDS the creators of comfort and escape to help the “essential workers” to cope with the stresses of their lives serving others. It needs the creators to help to invent and build the world, but also to help the world remember it’s inner child – the one that existed before it was told it couldn’t be itself and had match the rules that killed it’s true joy – and hopefully in some small way to help that inner child stay alive.

The world needs the dreamers and those brave enough to share their wildest and craziest ideas and creations to help the world see beauty and creativity, to find inspiration, and maybe, in some ways, to heal.

The world needs ALL OF US, all the time.

What has not worked for me in my life has taught me the depths of who I am. It has also taught me the limits of who I am. What has worked for me may not be for everyone but it has helped me to shine when I want to hide in the dark, and the broken parts of me and my past are not monuments made of stone, nor have they turned ME to stone. They are, even at their worst, portals through which I travel into a better tomorrow…or the hope that I one day will.

The experiences I have had and will have are the tools through which I create, through which I manifest and through which I show others (if not by word then by example) exactly what thriving – not just surviving – is.

Or, that is my hope. That is my goal.

That is my heart, and it just wants to make a difference in the lives of struggling people by sometimes making them feel less alone in their darkness by being dark with it but also by helping them to escape through the magic that sometimes pours out of me.

Our magics and our roles may be different, but it takes us all to make the world a happy and comfortable and interesting place to be. So don’t down the dreamer. Don’t loathe the lover. Don’t hate the hurt – because hurt people hurt people. Don’t damn the already damaged.

Don’t waste your time or energy playing the role of jury or judge because you’re neither. That’s not the job of a single one of us. We’re just here to do whatever we do best, whatever drives us and serves the world for the better, and to love – because love is the center of everything, even logic.

We are energetic, crystalline beings living in physical, 3D bodies. We are souls that are taking residence in a vessel so complex we haven’t even completely figured the vessel out yet. There was a time where there was very few awakened souls here on earth, and now many are becoming awake to these truths.

That is the purpose for all of us. We are here to experience this realm of existence while it lasts and to do our soul’s job in this realm to leave it better than we found it. What’s so hard about that? Apparently a lot – perhaps that is why we also need philosophers and psychologists and theologians and spiritual intellectuals whose jobs are to help us to sort through the two realities of spiritual and human existence.

The synopsis? Different types of people with different goals in life really aren’t meant to rub each other with friction causing constant lifequakes (pun totally intended). They’re meant to grease each other up, like lube, if you will, so that we can move more easily through the time that makes up our human life and actually EXPERIENCE IT.

Start moving with life instead of trying to force it to be a certain way. Creating your life is a process. Lube up already. Otherwise, life’s going to keep being rough and leaving friction burns in your soul. 🤷‍♀️❤️