Butterflies make me miss her. She loved butterflies as much as I love dragonflies. Her side of the front porch table was a butterfly and my side was a dragonfly. Her butterfly said, “Hope.” My dragonfly said, “Believe.” ❤️

 

“It hurts to wait for someone who is never coming back again.”

 

I am like a boat in the sea, and my seemingly never ending grief is a storm. My storm is raging, and yet again I find myself amidst a hurricane. I’m tired – I’ve barely gotten past one life altering storm before another has begun, over and over, for the last few years. Yet somehow I keep going, and somehow I am still here.

I think…hope is the anchor that keeps me from foundering and going under. I do have hope – some valid and some false and I try to differentiate the two within myself. Regardless, an anchor is dependent on two things: the chain that tethers it to the boat, and the solid ground that it grabs hold of when it is thrown out. But to have hope – to have and to hold on to faith – in the midst of my life’s storms…that’s what carries me. To believe in SOMETHING – sometimes myself, sometimes fate and the Universe and “something bigger,” sometimes the existence of some unseen and indescribable sixth sense – what my hope and faith is changes for me from day to day but to believe in something and to never allow myself to stop believing in SOMETHING… That’s how I go on.

My chain is invisible and I’m not sure what it’s made of…and it’s as though the ground my anchor digs into is my faith itself. Yes, it has wavered and the anchor has lifted and I begin to float and rock about every now and again. Ultimately, though? There is only one way for me, and it’s how I’ve been my entire life – forward.

Sometimes it’s slower than others, but it’s always…onward. Life goes on and so do I. But I’ll tell you, it hurts like a son of a bitch most all the time lately, even when I’m focusing on what’s real and good and right in my life; even as grateful and aware as I am and try to be.

💙

I haven’t done this in a very long time. I started a digital painting last night, over one of my shots from my walk in the woods yesterday. This is where it ended. Maybe it blows – I don’t know what to think of it. Ha… I suppose that my darkness took over my usual desire to see the brighter side of things…of ALL of these things.

Nothing is as dark as it seems – not from the outside of it all. Yet at times I do feel this enveloping feeling – almost a suffocation of things unseen…of the past, and of an uncertain future (who has a certain future, anyway, really?)…and in choosing to see or to show a brighter, more hopeful side I’m really just grasping blindly in front of me, hoping that it really looks the way I imagine it – light, which is the way I try to present it – to myself and everyone else. It works most days. But, I guess when it comes to digital painting, we see a more realistic current view inside my mind.

Twisted, right, for a woman who appears to have it all? That’s true on the surface and I’m not ungrateful. It’s just different from the inside, when I’m feeling invisible and completely irrelevant, feeling like a ghost even when I’m surrounded by many; and I sometimes think, “if I could just bring them back…” But how silly is that? Because in some cases it would be worse for them to be with me – and I’d only lose them all over again. So, onward, and allowing these moments to pass just as they came – ever flowing, always changing.

EVERYTHING is always illusion – especially emotions. That’s just how it works, and I know I’m not the only one. Or so I tell myself…

**Lumix GF3, Mextures, MasterFX, iPad.

Mextures Formula – STITTPQ

Welcome to my haunting…it follows me wherever I go.

I’ve grown quite fond of it now, and I’m content.

There’s something beautiful about it’s shadows and fog; something comforting about the blanket of mystery it wraps around me, daring me to look beyond my own costumes and masks and see myself in its reflection.

We’ve become rather friendly now, and have accepted each other’s flaws and darkness.

I suppose that’s why I seem to shine so brightly to others, and appear to have no darkness whatsoever.

Light is brighter in the dark, right?

~C

Hi hi hi… Mextures formulas episode 10 has been a long time coming, hasn’t it? I wanted to get some shots that were crosses between fall and winter, because that’s the mood I’ve been in since December. I just can’t quite go full on into winter this year. I keep wanting to hold on to what warmth is left of fall…and the likelihood is that I’ll be jumping into spring about a month early, too. ((giggle)) It’s not like winter’s made it easy to go into winter mode this year, with it’s fantastically warm temperatures and tricks of the plants, who seem to be even more confused than I am. I’ve had several almost bloom and then die back, some more than once, this winter.

As always, I hope you enjoy these formulas (one of the images below uses the same formula as another image, so take note). Please remember that blend modes of layers (and the layers themselves) may require tweaking depending on the light/style/tone of your image and they will not necessarily look exactly the same on your images as they do in the provided versions.

If you have any questions about Mextures or using formulas, feel free to ask them in comments or via e-mail or social media/messaging. Enjoy!!

 


Formula Name – Swamped
Formula Code – GFXBBNU
Formula Name – Weird Days
Formula Code – EGNZHHQ


Formula Name – Swamped
Formula Code – GFXBBNU


Formula Name – Weird Days (Warm)(Catacosmic™)
Formula Code – XNHZMFX


Formula Name – Vines (Warm)(Catacosmic™)
Formula Code – WUCBUCV

Mextures. It’s a fabulous tool and it’s a fabulous toy – a very verstaile image editing app for iPhone and iPad. If you search the hashtags related to Mextures on Instagram, you’ll find hundreds of thousands of images – all manner of styles and all sorts of subjects that have been edited (or even created) from Mextures alone or by combining Mextures with any number of other awesome editing apps.

Behind the apps and behind the art, there are people – really cool, really talented, really amazing people. I’ve gotten to know some of them through Instagram and different hubs there, and each day it spiderwebs out and I am either shown or I find more amazing art and artists. So often, they blow my mind. From them I learn different styles and techniques to play with. Formulas are shared and tweaked between us. My creativity is pushed and grows, and my sanity is kept in line.

I talk about this (Mextures and how it and the community surrounding it inspire and encourage me) a lot in different posts, and it’s why I started sharing Mextures formulas and blogs here in the first place. The Mextures community on Instagram grows and grows, but it’s hard to lay it out and format it in single posts there because of limits on posts lengths, so I brought it here so that I could share how-to’s and more expressive posts about it. That, however, has been limited to my own forumlas and self-expressions, and I am dissatisfied with that. I want to make it more. I want to make it bigger. I want to make it about the people in that community who rock my world so much and so often.

And that’s what Mextures Artist Features will be all about. I am going to be sharing posts all about these artists and their work, sometimes interviewing them and sometimes just throwing some stuff that I think is just amazingly awesome at you. I have written and scheduled a few of these posts already and am just waiting for the artists to OK them. The first post is scheculed to go live tomorrow morning, and it’ll be a sort of “practice” and “example” type post featuring some of my favorite pieces and formulas from my own gallery (a sort of random take on the “top 10” I was doing before, this time focussing on the formulas themselves and not just the images).

I hope you’ll enjoy these very different posts as much as I enjoy these artsits and their art, and as much as I enjoy creating the posts. This is all just part of my hobby, and I’m not sure that it’ll always be a defined, cut and dry type layout or post.  I’m not sure how regular it will be, or how often I will post, based on how insane my life is at random times. It’ll be what it is, but what I hope it will always be is fun.

If you are interested in being a part of this, guest posting or suggesting art/artists, or even seeing your own work and formulas featured here if you work with Mextures, please feel free to contact me here or via Instagram @catacosmic. The bigger the community the better, I say. The more people, the more art, the more styles, the more subjects, then the more creativity and inspiration.

Wishing you a very happy Sunday and a very good week…

~C

Welcome to Mextures formulas from my personal collection, blogisode #9!

As always, I hope you enjoy these formulas. Please remember that blend modes of layers (and the layers themselves) may require tweaking depending on the light/style/tone of your image and they will not necessarily look exactly the same on your images as they do in the provided versions.

If you have any questions about Mextures or using formulas, feel free to ask them in comments or via e-mail or social media/messaging. Enjoy!!

 

(Fall Meets Winter, Original)
Formula Code:  PDZGDZK

(Fall Meets Winter, Fade)
Formula Code:  ZACLNFL

Formula Code:  MXSGBKA

Formula Code:  BLZPPVM

Formula Code:  LQINNPS

Formula Code:  QVPCERD

Today is a two-for, apparently! ((smile)) I’ve just done so much with Mextures since the summer and been so busy (or low) that I haven’t shared these. With that, behold! ((laugh)) Mextures formulas from my personal collection, blogisode #8.

As always, I hope you enjoy these formulas. Please remember that blend modes of layers (and the layers themselves) may require tweaking depending on the light/style/tone of your image and they will not necessarily look exactly the same on your images as they do in the provided versions.

If you have any questions about Mextures or using formulas, feel free to ask them in comments or via e-mail or social media/messaging. Enjoy!!

 

Formula Code: YPFCMIH

Formula Code:  WKXIEMT
Formula Code:  ITHPTDT


Formula Code:  JMCGKMA


Formula Code:  SSJADJV